Dating Rules

The do's and dont's of the world of relationships and dating
No one ever said dating was easy. First dates are awkward, second dates are expectant and the dates that follow that -- during which two people really start getting down to the business of getting to know each other -- present hundreds, if not thousands, of opportunities for missteps, faux pas, blunders and mistakes. That is to say nothing of the myriad chances for problems to which you could fall prey while arranging, planning and preparing for dates.

We call too often or not enough, we're too available or never around, we wear sandals to fancy restaurants, laugh hysterically at bad jokes, show up with blue carnations, gab on our cell phones during dinner and commit countless other dating crimes, mostly without realizing we’re doing it. No doubt about it -- bad dating behavior is a rampant affliction, and it's time to cure it with some common sense advice.

If dating is a game, then just like any other game, there are rules you need to study, learn and follow. After all, you wouldn't take the field without knowing where the base lines are, would you? (For those of you who are immune to ball field metaphors, the answer is "no.") While none of these do's and don'ts are set in stone -- and, as your mother told you, there are obviously exceptions to every rule -- here we attempt to equip you with an idiot-proof playbook for the fast-paced, intense, exciting, full-contact sport of searching for someone with whom to fall in love.


Dating Rules -- Do's

1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don't care -- and, if that's the case, why go out with this person in the first place?

2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.

3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it's nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.

4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.

5. Do tell someone directly if you're not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you're too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don't want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently -- but firmly -- as possible.

6. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.

7. Do stay positive, even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.

8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.

9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you've been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.

10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.

Dating Rules -- Don'ts

1. Don't call, text message or email someone you've just started seeing more than once a day unless they reply (or in the event of an emergency). Desperation and instability are major turnoffs.

2. Don't date the kind of people who've hurt you in the past. Many of us are attracted to people who are bad for us, but it's important to break these patterns and seek out healthy relationships with matches who won't demean you or make you feel bad about yourself in any way.

3. Don't be late for a date. It's just rude. If you have to change your plans, give the other person as much notice and consideration as possible. And always apologize.

4. Don't lie to your date or about any aspect of your life, even if the truth isn't as sexy or you're worried they won't like it. It would be awful to ruin a potentially life-changing relationship with your perfect match because of some silly lie you told early on to impress him or her.

5. Don't be too available. We don't mean you should play games, but if you're free every night, you're probably not taking care of yourself, pursuing your own interests and spending time with your friends -- which means you're probably not very interesting to talk to. People with full, exciting lives make the best dates.

6. Don't give away too much about yourself at the beginning. Revealing your innermost secrets on the second date can lead to rejection. Don't be scared to open up, but remember that getting to know someone takes time, and you should let your relationship evolve.

7. Don't check out other people when you're on a date. Ever. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you're scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door. Extend your partner the courtesy of concentrating solely on them while you're with them.

8. Don't be rude or get drunk on a date. Courtesy and manners will get you everywhere.

9. Don't ignore your personal safety. Carry your cell phone and keep it charged -- and make sure to tell your friends where you're going and when you'll be back. First dates should take place in well-lit public places. Don't ever let yourself be coerced into going anywhere or doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

10. Don't give out personal information like your home phone number or address on the first date. Keep these details to yourself until you trust the person you're dating.

11. Don't have sex on a first date. If you like someone and are interested in getting to know them better (and possibly having a relationship), sex on a first date will likely ruin everything. It's much too soon, it's not romantic and it communicates to the other person that you're more interested in their physical characteristics than in finding out who they are.

12. Never date a married person. Statistically, it is very unlikely that they will ever leave their husband or wife for you. Dating someone who's married is the best way to serve yourself a heaping helping of misery, lies, deceit, sadness and heartache. If you are married, separate before dating. If you're single, don't be a shoulder to cry on -- you deserve better. Go out and find someone who's emotionally (and legally) available to you!

Source: TopDatingTips.com

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Single Parent Dating: Seven Tips for Helping Your Child Cope


You're a single parent who has decided to start dating. You've talked to enough people to know that your kids may not accept this easily. For starters, experts say, chances are good that your son or daughter still yearns for Mom and Dad to reunite.

"Children often will simply reject anybody new because they want Mommy and Daddy to be back together," says John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (Harper & Brothers, 1992) and its many sequels.

But there's a lot you can do to help your kids accept your decision to date. Here are some pointers:

> Explain to your children that adult companionship is important to your happiness. Introduce the concept of dating early on, advises Wendy Kaufman, chief executive officer of Balancing Life's Issues, an executive and personal wellness training organization based in Ossining, New York. "Explain that Mom will be a better mom if she's happier, and part of being happy is adult companionship and intimacy." Though it may take some time, your child will eventually accept that being with someone else contributes to your happiness.

> Do not feel you have to introduce the kids to every person you date. Wait until there is someone special in your life. Experts say it is often more appropriate —especially with younger children — to say you're spending time with a friend rather than telling them you are out on a date. Stacy Kaiser, M.F.T., a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, relationship expert and single mother of two, has been dating for 2 years and has yet to introduce her 9- and 11-year-old children to a date. "I tell them that if I ever have anybody important for them to know about, I will tell them," says Kaiser, who has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. One of the leading causes for kids not liking a parent's new partner, she adds, is the fact that they've seen so many of them come and go.

> Don't force your relationship on your child. If you do form a serious relationship, consider limiting the time that your new partner and children are together and avoid pressuring your child to spend time with him or her. Mothers should realize that while they enjoy a particular man's company, their kids might not, says Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist and founder of the Better Parenting Institute in Melbourne, Fla.

> Do not permit your kids to approve your dating choices. That gives them way too much power, Kaiser says, and it saddles them with adult-level responsibilities. Remember, they will come around once they realize this person contributes to your happiness.

> Make sure that you spend time focused only on your children — without any of your dates around. It's important that "a child knows that there will be a chance for him to have Mom all to himself,"

Panaccione says. "That way, when she does go out, he does not feel as much of a loss and knows his time will come." This is true even when the kids become teens, says Brian Davis, a single dad of 2 teen boys in Chicago. "Clearly, I never wanted the kids to feel they were second in line or that their time and my attention for them would come only when there was nothing else better to do," Davis adds. "They always know that they have at least one night a week that's theirs."

> Set boundaries. Keep in mind that physical displays of affection may make kids uncomfortable. Laura Kramer, a freelance corporate trainer from Westchester County, N.Y., has been juggling 3 kids (who are now teenagers) as a single mother. When it would come time for her boyfriend to spend the night, she'd make sure it was when her children were with their father. To avoid the potentially embarrassing and uncomfortable situation, Kramer set boundaries. "I set the rule that when they were with their father, if they wanted to come home, they needed to call me and actually speak with me," she says.

> Show your children that caring for someone else doesn't mean you love them any less. To make dating and a relationship work for both you and your child, "your child cannot doubt your love," maintains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a best-selling author, sex therapist and couples counselor in New York City. "On the other hand, you have to be firm about your own right to be happy because a happy person makes a happy parent."

Source: Lisette Hilton (revolutionhealth)

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Single parents' guide to introducing a date to the kids

Introducing a new person in your life to the kids can produce anxiety for everyone. Here are tips to keep it low-key.

Following the loss of a spouse through divorce or death, many custodial parents take some time off to heal before embarking on a new relationship. This allows the kids to get over the loss of a parent as well.

So when the remaining parent begins dating other people, he or she should introduce a new person to the kids with discretion and finesse. You don't want to inadvertently overwhelm, threaten, or excite the kids with a new relationship, especially until you see how it's going to work out in the long run.

1. Start slow. Get to know the new person in your life to see if it's going to endure. Introducing the kids after a few weeks may be too soon, since many relationships naturally end or bond within a three-month period. Wait until you know your new romantic squeeze before getting the kids involved. This will help to protect their emotions and well-being in case the relationship doesn't work out.

2. Take it easy. When the time for introductions comes, keep it low key. You may want to introduce the kids as you leave for a date. Or you could take your friend to a school event and make introductions afterward. Keep it short and simple at first to give the kids and your friend time to reflect on first impressions. Meet for lunch instead of hosting a long evening dinner. Let early impressions slowly sink in before inundating your kids with frequent exposure to your new friend.

3. Don't overdo it. After your beau and the kids meet, space out their interactions. Don't encourage them to get too thick right away. If the relationship doesn't work, the kids may be devastated if they've formed an attachment to your friend, and it may feel like another loss. There’s no point in putting them through that needlessly. Let their meetings be few and fun until you see how things are going to work out.

4. Keep it simple. Avoid meshing the kids with your friends in high-tension situations. For example, there is no need to spend weekends together or take group vacations right away. An occasional night out or weekend event provides enough exposure to help acquaint everyone without overdoing it. Light entertainment rather than heavy involvement is the key to bringing all parties together.

5. Don't force it. If your friend doesn't care for children, or your kids, don't insist on their spending time together. Conversely, if your children do not care for your new main squeeze, don't push it. Allow them to maintain a respectful distance. With time, things may change. But if not, you will have a better indication of how to proceed with this glimpse into a future step-family situation.

Introducing children to new relationship interests is a delicate matter. Since so many step-families report later problems with child discipline and respect issues, it is important to test the waters gradually and respond accordingly. Some single parents choose to wait for a serious relationship until their children are grown. If you sense the potential for discord, this may be one of the options you'll decide to explore.

Source: eSSORTMENT

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Dating Tips for Single Moms


Ease Your Kids Into It

When you’re ready to begin dating, ease into it with your kids. Don’t suddenly make a bomb-shell announcement like, "Mommy’s going to go on a date. This is really important." This will guarantee resentment. Simply mention that you are going out with a friend when you have a first date. After all, this is all it is at this point.

Enjoy Your Date

Once you’ve decided to go on a date with a man, commit yourself to focusing on it and enjoying it fully. That means not calling the baby sitter every half hour to check in. If you aren’t ready to trust someone to watch the kids while you enjoy an evening out focused on enjoying yourself and getting to know someone, you shouldn’t be dating yet. You’ll also send huge signals to the man you’re with that you aren’t ready to start a relationship of any type.

Don’t Look at Your Date as a Potential Parent – Yet

Here’s a dating tip for single moms that also applies to single guys with kids: your first date should be about whether you like the person you’re out with. Don’t look at him like he’s a potential new parent for your kids – it’s way too early for that. It won’t matter if you end up deciding he isn’t right for you, and you don’t want to put too much pressure on him all at once. You just might scare the right man away before he has the chance to prove himself this way.

Avoid Competition

Don’t sacrifice traditional family activities for the sake of a date. If Sundays are always set aside for pancakes and bacon with your kids, don’t start making Sunday plans with a man you’re dating after just a few weeks – it sets an unhealthy precedent for a sense of competition between your children and your date.

Introducing Him to Your Kids

If you do establish a significant relationship, begin introducing him to your children little by little. Short, fun activities so that everyone can relax and enjoy getting to know one another are a good start. Neutral territory (a family restaurant or perhaps the zoo) is best at first. You can add including your new suitor in family activities after your children have grown comfortable with him.

Guys to Avoid

As your children get to know him, make sure that the man you’re dating accepts your children just as they are. He shouldn’t try to discipline or change them – that’s not his job. If he becomes critical of your children or of your parenting style, it’s time to end it.

Make the Rules Clear from the Start

Your children will always come first. It’s one of the most important dating tips for single moms I know of. If the man you’re dating doesn’t understand this now, he won’t later. Some men will commend you for this and agree whole-heartedly – these are the mature, loving ones. Other men will feel like this puts them in "second place," and they will probably never love your children like they should be loved because he will see them as competition for your time and affection.

Don’t Lean on the Man You’re Dating Too Soon

Any serious relationship is a big step, and you never want to confide everything or rely on the person you’re dating too early on. This dating tip for single moms applies to any single (don’t cry about ex’s, your parents, etc. on the second date), but it is particularly true for singles moms who are dating. He may be perfectly wonderful, but even the strongest, most compassionate man will be frightened if you spend your third date discussing details of your child’s adjustment problems in third grade or your concerns about whether your teenage daughter is drinking. These are serious matters, and should only be discussed once a serious relationship is established.

Let Your Dates be About You and Him

He may come to love your children completely, but the person he asked out was you. Remember to talk about things beyond parenting.

I hope you also remember to have a good time on your dates – remember, you’re not only a mom, you’re also a vibrant single woman! If you keep this in mind as well as the above dating tips for single moms, you’ll have a wonderful time now and in the future – and you may find someone who is good for you and your children!


Source : Kevin Urban (Buzzle.com)

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First Date Tips for Single Parents


1. Do not meet your date at your home if your kids are there. Your children really should only be introduced to long-term dating partners and not to everyone you go out with. Plus, you do not want to overwhelm your already nervous date.

2. Keep discussions of your children to a minimum. Your date wants to get to know you right now, not your kids.

3. Do not keep checking with your date to see if he or she is having a good time. You should be able to guess this from their body language. Asking will only make you seem desperate. You need to be attentive but not smothering.

4. A date that involves sharing an activity where you are able to talk with one another can help you get to know the person better. Movies, while popular, involve a lot of silence and are not good for early dates.

5. Keep your dress appropriate and conservative. Too dressed up may make your companion think that you are high maintenance while too casual may come off as sloppy or uncaring. Ladies should save the plunging necklines or short skirts for later dates as you want your date to get to know you and not be distracted.

6. Do not discuss loaded topics such as past relationships or sex. If you get asked about your last relationship, be brief with your answer. Definitely do not bring up the marriage word.

7. Focus your attention on your date. Do not ogle members of the opposite sex or keep staring at the game on the nearby TV screen. Keep the cell phone turned off and out of sight. If you keep checking it, your date may think that you are bored and looking at the time.

8. Thank your date at the end of the evening even if you did not have a good time. Be polite even if the other person is not. You never know when you may run into him or her again or who he or she may know.

9. Try not to obsess over how the date went or whether you will go on another one with this person. Let relationships progress naturally and keep your options open until you enter a long-term relationship.

Source : Annie In Dating ( Single Parent Spot )

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Dating Tips For Single Parents

Flying Solo: Dating Dos and Don'ts

Single motherhood and a social life? It can be done

1. You make the rules. Many people seem to have an opinion about single mothers, and their advice when it comes to your private life is: Take up needlepoint. Forget them. A single mother can date, seriously or casually. A single mother can be seen out dancing on a Saturday night. A single mother can even have sex!

2. Nobody loves a parade. It's not necessary to introduce your kids to every guy who takes you to a movie. Wait until you're secure in the relationship before you let your kids perceive someone as "Mommy's boyfriend." Have a reliable sitter lined up, suggests Magdoff, so you don't end up bringing children along before you're ready.

3. Don't lean too hard too soon. Resist the temptation to make the new guy a parenting helper right away, adds Magdoff. Until you've actually decided that the time is right, don't ask him to pick up your daughter from ballet just because it's on his way over for dinner. "Hold back," Magdoff says. "Don't have him take on parenting roles until it feels stupid not to. When all three of you are saying, 'But ballet class is right by his office,' then it's time."

4. Nothing but the truth. While discretion is recommended, lying and sneaking are not. If you think extramarital sex is okay, when questions arise you should be able to explain to your children (in an age-appropriate manner) why and under what conditions. If you can't, then don't do it. Behave as you want your kids to when they reach early adulthood.

5. Have your priorities straight. Keep your hormones in check when making decisions. Maybe it's more important for you to be at the school basketball playoffs than away for the weekend with your beau. But on the other hand:

6. Don't be a martyr. Magdoff warns against using your kids as an excuse to avoid intimacy—putting them between you and your social life. In other words, sometimes the weekend away is more important than the basketball game.

7. When you're out, be out. One way single mothers sabotage relationships and act out their guilty feelings, Magdoff adds, is by talking about their children constantly while on a date. "Five minutes max," she says.

8. Don't succumb to pressure. My long-term relationship was a lot more than dating and a lot less than marriage—and was sometimes a little difficult to explain to outsiders. But it was right for me and my kids at the time. I did what I thought best, and that's why I have no regrets.

9. Leave when it's time. One of the more trying moments in a single mother's life is splitting up with someone her kids care about. I know women who have stayed in iffy relationships "for the kids." This makes even less sense when you're not married. Change and loss are part of life, things everyone has to deal with. If a particular bond is really strong, perhaps there's a way for that adult and child to maintain a connection.

10. Expect resistance. Magdoff says, "Lots of times women are dating perfectly nice guys and their kids are horrible to them, especially if it's the first guy after the divorce or the first one you get serious about." One articulate ten-year-old Magdoff knows admitted to his mother: "It's not Bill who's the problem—I like him. It's you. I used to have you all to myself, and now I have to share you." Acknowledge and accept kids' feelings. Say, "I love you as much as ever, but sometimes I'm not here when you want me to be. I like to spend time with my friends, just like you do." Don't let your kids control you—or try and force them to like the guy, either.

Source : Marion Winik (Woman’s Divorce)

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