Dating Tips for Single Moms


Ease Your Kids Into It

When you’re ready to begin dating, ease into it with your kids. Don’t suddenly make a bomb-shell announcement like, "Mommy’s going to go on a date. This is really important." This will guarantee resentment. Simply mention that you are going out with a friend when you have a first date. After all, this is all it is at this point.

Enjoy Your Date

Once you’ve decided to go on a date with a man, commit yourself to focusing on it and enjoying it fully. That means not calling the baby sitter every half hour to check in. If you aren’t ready to trust someone to watch the kids while you enjoy an evening out focused on enjoying yourself and getting to know someone, you shouldn’t be dating yet. You’ll also send huge signals to the man you’re with that you aren’t ready to start a relationship of any type.

Don’t Look at Your Date as a Potential Parent – Yet

Here’s a dating tip for single moms that also applies to single guys with kids: your first date should be about whether you like the person you’re out with. Don’t look at him like he’s a potential new parent for your kids – it’s way too early for that. It won’t matter if you end up deciding he isn’t right for you, and you don’t want to put too much pressure on him all at once. You just might scare the right man away before he has the chance to prove himself this way.

Avoid Competition

Don’t sacrifice traditional family activities for the sake of a date. If Sundays are always set aside for pancakes and bacon with your kids, don’t start making Sunday plans with a man you’re dating after just a few weeks – it sets an unhealthy precedent for a sense of competition between your children and your date.

Introducing Him to Your Kids

If you do establish a significant relationship, begin introducing him to your children little by little. Short, fun activities so that everyone can relax and enjoy getting to know one another are a good start. Neutral territory (a family restaurant or perhaps the zoo) is best at first. You can add including your new suitor in family activities after your children have grown comfortable with him.

Guys to Avoid

As your children get to know him, make sure that the man you’re dating accepts your children just as they are. He shouldn’t try to discipline or change them – that’s not his job. If he becomes critical of your children or of your parenting style, it’s time to end it.

Make the Rules Clear from the Start

Your children will always come first. It’s one of the most important dating tips for single moms I know of. If the man you’re dating doesn’t understand this now, he won’t later. Some men will commend you for this and agree whole-heartedly – these are the mature, loving ones. Other men will feel like this puts them in "second place," and they will probably never love your children like they should be loved because he will see them as competition for your time and affection.

Don’t Lean on the Man You’re Dating Too Soon

Any serious relationship is a big step, and you never want to confide everything or rely on the person you’re dating too early on. This dating tip for single moms applies to any single (don’t cry about ex’s, your parents, etc. on the second date), but it is particularly true for singles moms who are dating. He may be perfectly wonderful, but even the strongest, most compassionate man will be frightened if you spend your third date discussing details of your child’s adjustment problems in third grade or your concerns about whether your teenage daughter is drinking. These are serious matters, and should only be discussed once a serious relationship is established.

Let Your Dates be About You and Him

He may come to love your children completely, but the person he asked out was you. Remember to talk about things beyond parenting.

I hope you also remember to have a good time on your dates – remember, you’re not only a mom, you’re also a vibrant single woman! If you keep this in mind as well as the above dating tips for single moms, you’ll have a wonderful time now and in the future – and you may find someone who is good for you and your children!


Source : Kevin Urban (Buzzle.com)

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Single parents: When to start dating again


When to start dating again? What a difficult question without a definite answer. There are several things to consider. First and foremost, when are you ready to date. Many times you cannot answer this question until it happens. When it does happen, it is a feeling. When you meet that person, things start to happen. You do things that you normally don't do, such as: *better care for hygiene, showing up at places that someone special will be at, *feelings of "butterflies" when that person is not around, etc. Many of the signs that you are ready are not easily observable by you. It is not until you take the time to sit back and reflect that you can say, yes, I have made myself for available for a certain person. For some people, it may be right away, for others it may take time.

Another very important factor is when the children are ready. A parent cannot be completely selfish and put his/her desires before the children. Remember, you are a parent first. How do you know when your children are ready? It comes down to a simple social skill called communication. This does not only mean talking to them about it, but you also must listen. Listening to your children is more important than talking. You will never know when you listen with your ears and listen to body language with your eyes, and listen to the overall package with your heart.

The last factor that I will touch on is when your ex is ready. Why does this matter? Because if your ex is not ready, he/she can make your life a living hell for you, the children, and the person you are dating. You need to make yourself happy first, but if you are always dealing with the intangibles of dealing with a meddling ex, then it is more difficult to be happy.

Ultimately, you need to listen to your heart. This is the place where all of the answers come together. Your heart will tell you when the time is right, the place is right, and the person is right. If you are completely listening, your heart will tell you when your children are ready. It is the one thing that can answer all the questions for you

Source: Jon Chappuis (Helium)

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