How to Date a Single Dad

You have met a great guy. He is smart, charming, good looking, and--a single dad. This does not mean that dating isn't an option, but it does mean that dating may involve a little bit more thought and planning than in other scenarios. Whether he is a divorced dad or a never-been-married dad, you will need to remember that any serious relationship you enter into will involve his kid(s) also.

Instructions

Step 1. Let him talk. Allowing him to chat about his kids and his life will give you a lot of information about the scenario you are walking into. A single dad who talks about his kids and is involved in their life is a good sign.

Step 2. Ask questions as they come to you. You want to know what he is like as a dad, what his kids are like, how he relates to his ex and what the custody arrangements are.

Step 3. Realize that you will meet the kids when he is ready and when you are ready. Nothing good can come of meeting the kids before you and he have agreed that the two of you are getting serious.

Step 4. Show courtesy to the mom, if she is involved. This woman is not your competition, but she is a constant and equal part in the children's lives. Even if the divorced mom and dad do not get along, it is not your place to be involved.

Step 5. Include the children in activities when it is his turn to have them and do not make plans that exclude the kid(s) on these nights or weekends.

Step 6. Make romantic plans for you and your single dad when the kids are with their mom, after all you are dating him and you should have fun together.


Source: eHow Parenting Editor (eHow)

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10 Tips for Dating a Single Mom

There is nothing that makes a group of men, or any individual man, cringe faster than the notion of dating a single mom. A consensus for today’s single man is that single mom = baggage, and most men will shy away from it. On the other hand, for this reason, many men also view the single mom as a great opportunity for a fling. Today’s family has changed. It is 2008 and the United States Census indicates that America is home to over 11 million single parents. The chances that you as a single man will find yourself dating one then, are pretty good. This is the age of the blended family, and for every family, that carries a different meaning.

If you find that you are interested in, attracted to, or seriously wanting to build a relationship with a single mom, there are some things you should know. You can’t play the game the way you normally do. Dating a single mom doesn’t have to be like walking on eggshells, but in some cases, dating a single mom just isn’t the same thing as dating a single girl with no responsibilities. The good news? Dating a single mom offers a wide range of benefits. Here are some tips to help you get the most out of dating a single mom, or even to simply encourage you to give it a shot.

1. You can’t be a player anymore.

This step is more for your protection than anything else. You certainly can be a player if that is all you are looking for, but unless you know for sure that the single mom you are wooing wants the same thing, this could seriously backfire on you. There are single moms out there actively seeking a ring on their finger, and if you play games with the wrong one, you will find yourself in a mess that you’d rather not be in.

2. Don’t be fake

Don’t pretend to like her or pretend you are interested, just so that you can have a fling. You never know, her game plan may be just the same as yours, even if that fling is all you are looking for. Be genuine and sincere, hint, be yourself, and she will welcome the opportunity to spend some time with you. A man who is sincere and shows genuine interest with no ulterior motive is any girls’ dreams whether she is a single mom or not.

3. Don’t be fake, part two

You can’t just be genuine with her, you have to be genuine with her children. If it does get to the point where you meet the kids, be yourself once again. Kids are almost smarter than single parents and will know when someone is being fake with them. Be nice to them, and show genuine interest in them. It won’t be long before they start reciprocating.

4. Romance Her!

You don’t need to be a single mom to appreciate a little bit of romance, but the single mom will definitely appreciate the romantic attention you provide. Use your imagination here and be creative. Romance works best when it is unexpected and not obvious. That doesn’t mean some flowers won’t go a long way. But send her a sweet text or an email to let her know you are thinking of her, or even just check in to see how the little one’s doctor appointment went. Small attention to details will sweep her off her feet more than grandiose gestures will.

5. Be Flexible

Flexibility is key when dating a single mom because she is always juggling a lot at once and has noone to share her responsibilities with. She may be sure one day that she can make plans with you, but have to cancel at the last minute if a doctor’s appointment comes up, visitation with dad changes at the last minute, or any number of factors that could cancel a date in a heartbeat. She may not be able to plan too much ahead of time either. Or maybe she can and maybe that’s easiest for her. Every situation with every single mom is different, but being flexible will make both of your lives a little easier. You may find you have to meet midweek for lunch instead of Saturday night for dinner, or head to a matinee on the weekend instead of an evening show. Her priorities may be a little bit different, but that doesn’t mean she’s not looking to go out and have fun. Just be willing to be flexible.

6. Understand her Priorities

In a single mom’s life, she has a lot of priorities. She may not even be sure which ones are at the top all of the time because they all seem mission critical to her. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t a priority, but her priorities may shift on different days just depending on how the day goes. Some days you may find yourself wondering where you fall in her priority list, and this is where flexibility and communication come in. If she is including you in her life, then she wants you in her life. Be flexible and communicate often, and she will find a way to show you just how big a priority you are to her.

7. Be Considerate of Her Time

The single mom is generally torn between her kids, her social life, and a million other responsibilities that she has no one to share with. Given this, it’s a good idea to be a little considerate of the time in which she has to do all of those things. If you call her up on a Saturday afternoon for a date that night, it is very likely she will turn you down. This will be no reflection on you, but more likely a matter of her simply having something else to do, such as a doctor’s appointment for Johnny. Find out about the custody arrangement of her kids and you'll know when she's free unless of course she's out with the girls! It shouldn't be that hard to get her to pick you over them. Also find out about when her kids' have vacations and you can be a step ahead planning anything with her.

8. Expect to Have “The Talk” Early

Many men balk at The Talk in any relationship, even if they want the relationship to have some longevity. That’s simply because men and women are wired differently. However The Talk doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to get hitched right off the bat either. In fact, The Talk is a great way for the both of you to discover what page you are both on. Who wants to waste time if the person you are with isn’t going in the same direction as you are? It’s okay if you both want different things, and it’s okay if you both want something casual. By taking care of this conversation early in the relationship, you will both save yourselves a lot of potential heartache, and time.

9. Expect to Be Involved with Her Children

Wow, have you made it this far? You must be really into this woman. Most single moms or single dads are hesitant to take this step until she is pretty sure you are both on the same path. Treat this occasion delicately, and treat it with the respect and appreciation it deserves. Be honored that she is including you in the most important part of her life. The first-time WILL be nerve-wracking for you, and it will be for her as well, but she would not have you there if she didn’t want you there. She will take the steps necessary to make it easier for you.

10. When the Kids Don’t Like You

Oh well, you just knew there was a wrench somewhere. Take heart in the knowledge that this is not only possible, but likely. It’s a normal rite of passage for kids of single parents, they feel obligated to have some apprehension at first. Knowing that, don’t take it personally. Talks will resume between mom and the kids as time goes on, but this is an issue with the kids, not with you. You are a threat to their mom’s time, you are a threat to their relationship with their dad, or you are just simply a threat that they don’t welcome. Let Mom handle this one. If this relationship has longevity, she will work on them. Keep being genuine, but most of all, have patience. With time, those kids will learn exactly why mom is so crazy about you. Hey, you got this far, didn’t you? Don’t back out now.

If you are considering a relationship with a single mom, it may seem at first like you are taking on the entire luggage claim from the latest Delta Flight. It doesn’t have to be like that, and don’t go in thinking that. Single mothers are among the most mature, responsible, and loving people on the planet. They are always juggling something, but always looking for some love and friendship and healthy adult relationships as well. Go in open-minded, patient, understanding, and most importantly, sincere. If this relationship is meant to be, the rest will fall into place.

Source: Chrissie ( Futurescopes.com)

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Single Parent Dating: Seven Tips for Helping Your Child Cope


You're a single parent who has decided to start dating. You've talked to enough people to know that your kids may not accept this easily. For starters, experts say, chances are good that your son or daughter still yearns for Mom and Dad to reunite.

"Children often will simply reject anybody new because they want Mommy and Daddy to be back together," says John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (Harper & Brothers, 1992) and its many sequels.

But there's a lot you can do to help your kids accept your decision to date. Here are some pointers:

> Explain to your children that adult companionship is important to your happiness. Introduce the concept of dating early on, advises Wendy Kaufman, chief executive officer of Balancing Life's Issues, an executive and personal wellness training organization based in Ossining, New York. "Explain that Mom will be a better mom if she's happier, and part of being happy is adult companionship and intimacy." Though it may take some time, your child will eventually accept that being with someone else contributes to your happiness.

> Do not feel you have to introduce the kids to every person you date. Wait until there is someone special in your life. Experts say it is often more appropriate —especially with younger children — to say you're spending time with a friend rather than telling them you are out on a date. Stacy Kaiser, M.F.T., a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, relationship expert and single mother of two, has been dating for 2 years and has yet to introduce her 9- and 11-year-old children to a date. "I tell them that if I ever have anybody important for them to know about, I will tell them," says Kaiser, who has a master's degree in marriage and family therapy. One of the leading causes for kids not liking a parent's new partner, she adds, is the fact that they've seen so many of them come and go.

> Don't force your relationship on your child. If you do form a serious relationship, consider limiting the time that your new partner and children are together and avoid pressuring your child to spend time with him or her. Mothers should realize that while they enjoy a particular man's company, their kids might not, says Vicki Panaccione, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist and founder of the Better Parenting Institute in Melbourne, Fla.

> Do not permit your kids to approve your dating choices. That gives them way too much power, Kaiser says, and it saddles them with adult-level responsibilities. Remember, they will come around once they realize this person contributes to your happiness.

> Make sure that you spend time focused only on your children — without any of your dates around. It's important that "a child knows that there will be a chance for him to have Mom all to himself,"

Panaccione says. "That way, when she does go out, he does not feel as much of a loss and knows his time will come." This is true even when the kids become teens, says Brian Davis, a single dad of 2 teen boys in Chicago. "Clearly, I never wanted the kids to feel they were second in line or that their time and my attention for them would come only when there was nothing else better to do," Davis adds. "They always know that they have at least one night a week that's theirs."

> Set boundaries. Keep in mind that physical displays of affection may make kids uncomfortable. Laura Kramer, a freelance corporate trainer from Westchester County, N.Y., has been juggling 3 kids (who are now teenagers) as a single mother. When it would come time for her boyfriend to spend the night, she'd make sure it was when her children were with their father. To avoid the potentially embarrassing and uncomfortable situation, Kramer set boundaries. "I set the rule that when they were with their father, if they wanted to come home, they needed to call me and actually speak with me," she says.

> Show your children that caring for someone else doesn't mean you love them any less. To make dating and a relationship work for both you and your child, "your child cannot doubt your love," maintains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a best-selling author, sex therapist and couples counselor in New York City. "On the other hand, you have to be firm about your own right to be happy because a happy person makes a happy parent."

Source: Lisette Hilton (revolutionhealth)

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Dating Tips for Single Moms


Ease Your Kids Into It

When you’re ready to begin dating, ease into it with your kids. Don’t suddenly make a bomb-shell announcement like, "Mommy’s going to go on a date. This is really important." This will guarantee resentment. Simply mention that you are going out with a friend when you have a first date. After all, this is all it is at this point.

Enjoy Your Date

Once you’ve decided to go on a date with a man, commit yourself to focusing on it and enjoying it fully. That means not calling the baby sitter every half hour to check in. If you aren’t ready to trust someone to watch the kids while you enjoy an evening out focused on enjoying yourself and getting to know someone, you shouldn’t be dating yet. You’ll also send huge signals to the man you’re with that you aren’t ready to start a relationship of any type.

Don’t Look at Your Date as a Potential Parent – Yet

Here’s a dating tip for single moms that also applies to single guys with kids: your first date should be about whether you like the person you’re out with. Don’t look at him like he’s a potential new parent for your kids – it’s way too early for that. It won’t matter if you end up deciding he isn’t right for you, and you don’t want to put too much pressure on him all at once. You just might scare the right man away before he has the chance to prove himself this way.

Avoid Competition

Don’t sacrifice traditional family activities for the sake of a date. If Sundays are always set aside for pancakes and bacon with your kids, don’t start making Sunday plans with a man you’re dating after just a few weeks – it sets an unhealthy precedent for a sense of competition between your children and your date.

Introducing Him to Your Kids

If you do establish a significant relationship, begin introducing him to your children little by little. Short, fun activities so that everyone can relax and enjoy getting to know one another are a good start. Neutral territory (a family restaurant or perhaps the zoo) is best at first. You can add including your new suitor in family activities after your children have grown comfortable with him.

Guys to Avoid

As your children get to know him, make sure that the man you’re dating accepts your children just as they are. He shouldn’t try to discipline or change them – that’s not his job. If he becomes critical of your children or of your parenting style, it’s time to end it.

Make the Rules Clear from the Start

Your children will always come first. It’s one of the most important dating tips for single moms I know of. If the man you’re dating doesn’t understand this now, he won’t later. Some men will commend you for this and agree whole-heartedly – these are the mature, loving ones. Other men will feel like this puts them in "second place," and they will probably never love your children like they should be loved because he will see them as competition for your time and affection.

Don’t Lean on the Man You’re Dating Too Soon

Any serious relationship is a big step, and you never want to confide everything or rely on the person you’re dating too early on. This dating tip for single moms applies to any single (don’t cry about ex’s, your parents, etc. on the second date), but it is particularly true for singles moms who are dating. He may be perfectly wonderful, but even the strongest, most compassionate man will be frightened if you spend your third date discussing details of your child’s adjustment problems in third grade or your concerns about whether your teenage daughter is drinking. These are serious matters, and should only be discussed once a serious relationship is established.

Let Your Dates be About You and Him

He may come to love your children completely, but the person he asked out was you. Remember to talk about things beyond parenting.

I hope you also remember to have a good time on your dates – remember, you’re not only a mom, you’re also a vibrant single woman! If you keep this in mind as well as the above dating tips for single moms, you’ll have a wonderful time now and in the future – and you may find someone who is good for you and your children!


Source : Kevin Urban (Buzzle.com)

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