How to choose a man when youre a single mom

Lets face it, being a single mom is tough. Picking the right man for your family is tougher.

Instructions:

Step 1. When meeting a man for the first time, be honest about your homelife. Explain to him that you have children. Dont assume he is "the one" right away.
Step 2. After you have dated this man for a while let him meet your children. (after a background check of course). Listen to your children and watch how he reacts to them.
Step 3. Ask your children their honest opinion. Believe it or not unless you have very young children, they will know who is best for their mom. If your kids "hate" the man you are seeing, guess what? There is probably a very good reason for this
Step 4. Be patient with both your children and your man. Dont expect instant sparks, wait it out. And please, dont let your children call every man you date "uncle".

Source : momof3infl ( eHow)

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How to Date a Single Mom

A single mom, like any other woman, can be your perfect life partner or a great person to date. But dating a single mom takes a little more understanding and patience than dating other women. Keep in mind the following steps when dating a single mom.

Instructions

Step 1. Evaluate your interest level in this particular woman and your own ability to spend time with children. It is better to decide before asking a woman out if you are capable of the potential commitment dating a single mom can lead to or even if you like kids.

Step 2 . Focus on the relationship with the woman. You can meet the kids later. This requires flexibility since she needs to make babysitter arrangements or might be willing to have you over only after the kids are in bed for the night.

Step 3. Establish open communication about her past, the biological father's current role and your own feelings about the relationship. This may seem uncomfortable, but you are entitled to know necessary information if you are going to be in the picture long term.

Step 4. Meet the children when everyone is prepared. Mom knows best what her kids can handle and you must respect this decision. Surprising her by dropping by could be more damaging than appreciated when dating a single mom.

Step 5. Parent only when everyone is comfortable and it has been discussed. Being mom's boyfriend does not make you a father figure. Be very clear about what you think your role should be and be respectful about how your girlfriend and her kids view your role.

Step 6. Be patient and understanding to everyone's feelings and concerns, including your own. It is better to leave a relationship you are not suited for than to stay for the wrong reasons.

Source: eHow Relationships & Family Editor

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Dating Tips for Single Moms


Ease Your Kids Into It

When you’re ready to begin dating, ease into it with your kids. Don’t suddenly make a bomb-shell announcement like, "Mommy’s going to go on a date. This is really important." This will guarantee resentment. Simply mention that you are going out with a friend when you have a first date. After all, this is all it is at this point.

Enjoy Your Date

Once you’ve decided to go on a date with a man, commit yourself to focusing on it and enjoying it fully. That means not calling the baby sitter every half hour to check in. If you aren’t ready to trust someone to watch the kids while you enjoy an evening out focused on enjoying yourself and getting to know someone, you shouldn’t be dating yet. You’ll also send huge signals to the man you’re with that you aren’t ready to start a relationship of any type.

Don’t Look at Your Date as a Potential Parent – Yet

Here’s a dating tip for single moms that also applies to single guys with kids: your first date should be about whether you like the person you’re out with. Don’t look at him like he’s a potential new parent for your kids – it’s way too early for that. It won’t matter if you end up deciding he isn’t right for you, and you don’t want to put too much pressure on him all at once. You just might scare the right man away before he has the chance to prove himself this way.

Avoid Competition

Don’t sacrifice traditional family activities for the sake of a date. If Sundays are always set aside for pancakes and bacon with your kids, don’t start making Sunday plans with a man you’re dating after just a few weeks – it sets an unhealthy precedent for a sense of competition between your children and your date.

Introducing Him to Your Kids

If you do establish a significant relationship, begin introducing him to your children little by little. Short, fun activities so that everyone can relax and enjoy getting to know one another are a good start. Neutral territory (a family restaurant or perhaps the zoo) is best at first. You can add including your new suitor in family activities after your children have grown comfortable with him.

Guys to Avoid

As your children get to know him, make sure that the man you’re dating accepts your children just as they are. He shouldn’t try to discipline or change them – that’s not his job. If he becomes critical of your children or of your parenting style, it’s time to end it.

Make the Rules Clear from the Start

Your children will always come first. It’s one of the most important dating tips for single moms I know of. If the man you’re dating doesn’t understand this now, he won’t later. Some men will commend you for this and agree whole-heartedly – these are the mature, loving ones. Other men will feel like this puts them in "second place," and they will probably never love your children like they should be loved because he will see them as competition for your time and affection.

Don’t Lean on the Man You’re Dating Too Soon

Any serious relationship is a big step, and you never want to confide everything or rely on the person you’re dating too early on. This dating tip for single moms applies to any single (don’t cry about ex’s, your parents, etc. on the second date), but it is particularly true for singles moms who are dating. He may be perfectly wonderful, but even the strongest, most compassionate man will be frightened if you spend your third date discussing details of your child’s adjustment problems in third grade or your concerns about whether your teenage daughter is drinking. These are serious matters, and should only be discussed once a serious relationship is established.

Let Your Dates be About You and Him

He may come to love your children completely, but the person he asked out was you. Remember to talk about things beyond parenting.

I hope you also remember to have a good time on your dates – remember, you’re not only a mom, you’re also a vibrant single woman! If you keep this in mind as well as the above dating tips for single moms, you’ll have a wonderful time now and in the future – and you may find someone who is good for you and your children!


Source : Kevin Urban (Buzzle.com)

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